Ki tavo. The small voice of Teshuvah

Parasha Ki Tetzei — “When you go out” We read about Bnei Israel going out to war, and the resonance with the current events gives me chills of sadness.

And yet on a more inner level, the verse also speaks to us about what comes out of us:

“What comes out of your lips, you shall guard.” (Devarim 23:24) מוֹצָ֥א שְׂפָתֶ֖יךָ תִּשְׁמֹ֣ר

We often think of shmirat ha-lashon — guarding the tongue — as a practice either of avoiding lashon hara (gossip, slander) or of keeping one’s word.

Yet there is another dimension to it. This is the one the Sfat Emet points us to in this week’s parasha.

He suggests that there is a continuum between inner speech, spoken words, and human action.

Yes, the source of how we act in the world is first found in how we speak to ourselves.

“For the entire root of life in a human being is in inner speech,” he says.

כי כל שורש החיות בהאדם הוא בהבל הפנימי

There is my biological life, the life I was given at birth.And then there is my inner vitality, my sense of being alive.

And the root of this vitality is in my inner conversation — the way I speak within myself, to myself, to the world, and to others.

I do not choose the thoughts that come and go.

But I can choose the degree to which I engage in conversation with one or another. I can choose the quality of my inner conversation.

Inner speech is like a plant entrusted to my hands: it is up to me to water it, to keep it alive.

This is part of teshuvah.

This month, as I dedicate much of my attention to teaching courses on teshuvah and the practice of forgiveness, I find myself reflecting a great deal on the value of self-compassion and self-forgiveness as the best allies of a healthy self-discipline, the kind that truly helps us grow and amend our ways.

In the world of mindfulness, much attention is given to the continuum between thought, speech, and action.

It is the same in the world of Hasidut, but with a nuance: the notion of inner speech points to the fact that right action does not necessarily begin with my thoughts, but with those with which I choose to enter into conversation.

We often think of teshuvah as a practice of looking back at our past actions in order to repair what can be repaired, ask forgiveness, and choose to act differently in the future.

But teshuvah is also in the present: returning to our source, right now.

Returning to the truth of our inner speech.

Inner speech is like intuition speaking to us. It takes form in the choices I make: to which thoughts I give my attention, which inner voice I choose to listen to.

The world is very loud right now.

From a kabbalistic perspective, changing the world begins with changing ourselves, from within.

Perhaps this is where teshuvah begins: the return to our true nature.The vitality that shines within me speaks much more softly than the voice of my ego, my anger, or my fears.

It whispers.

And perhaps it does so deliberately, so that I will lean in a little closer to listen.

And what if, this month, we made just a little more room for silence, and listened a little more to that small inner voice?